Passport bag


Years ago, a housemate was packing for a trip and I offered him this passport bag I had kicking around. He looked at me plainly and replied, “I’m not a fag.”

This is a particularly cutting slur coming from a sensitive Jew who openly read novels and wore an anklet. What I mean is, if a progressive like Jeff knew better than to wear passport bags, you should too.

Carrying your valuables in a special pouch just because you’re in a foreign land is at best tacky and at worst xenophobic and pathetic. It’s like constantly wearing a condom under your slacks, or euthanizing your children at the sight of a wispy moustache. It’s unnecessarily cautious and kind of offensive.If you think you don’t look like an idiot when you venture into the gussets of your underclothing produce a credit card, you are dead wrong.

To my shame, I once travelled with this pouch to secure my passport and foreign funds, but no longer. I walk around like the locals do, with a wallet and my dignity.