A review of Mjolk, Toronto


In some of my nighttime reveries, I am wearing dark slacks and a turtlenecked sweater of equivalent shade. I am reading Being and Nothingness through round spectacles. I turn my head. I am in my apartment, but it’s not my apartment. It’s a wonderfully spartan and minimalist space furnished with mid-century modern Scandinavian furniture. I pick up a glass of charcoal-filtered glacier water and with one ice cold sip, I wake up.

While I don’t really want to manifest this Teutonic wet dream in reality, if I had to, I would come to Mjölk. It’s full of sleek, über-designed, Nordic and Japanese inspired furniture and accessories. It’s as maddeningly overpriced as it is gorgeous. A pair of “everyday” copper scissors will run you $80. A maple pencil case is $250. A fucking shoehorn runs $350. This isn’t just a furniture store; it’s a one-percenter bait shop.

In waking life, I will not and cannot shop here. But in the throes of my umlautted dreams, I can be found lucidly sipping from a $75 coffee mug. Skål!

Obligatory Title Pun: The MJOLK’s on you.
Menu Readability: Felt coasters: 6 for $28.
Need to mention: They carry a line called Fjord Fiesta. LOL! _
What this place teaches me about myself: I am way too brown to spend $145 on a toothpick case. But I can still covet it.