Laptop Lock

November 14, 2012 ☞ Personal inventory

“You don’t live in a world all alone.Your brothers are here too.” -Albert Schweitzer

As David Sax has pointed out, in the realm of Laptopistan, there is an unwritten and well-understood social norm regarding laptops: you are expected to watch over your neighbour’s laptop whenever they get up for a muffin or bowel movement. No, you’re not obligated to knife a violent offender trying to gank a Macbook Pro; you are simply your neighbour’s eyes when he is gone, and one day, he will return the favour for you.

Which is why this laptop lock is so ludicrous. I purchased this item the same day I got my first Macbook and I’ve never used it. It’s important to be safe, but there is a level of attention to safety that exceeds good taste. This is the dental dam of laptop accessories. It’s practically offensive to pull this out in a crowded cafe. You might as well shout, “I don’ trust none y’all,” on route to the lavatory, and then immediately hurl a thermal pot of whole milk against the wall.

Love thy neighbour.