Perhaps the most useless duo I have encountered in the world of mobile accessories. Their purpose is remarkably specific: In the white tube is mildly soapy water, which you spray on your mobile device. (Note that this is 600 times more liquid than you could ever need.) You then use the “black thing” to apply a clear plastic shield to the device by smoothing out the water and associated bubbles.

I’m not sure what to make of the retailer’s assumption that the typical consumer would not be able to finagle a reasonable facsimile of this kit at home. Should I be flattered that the people selling cellphone shields consider my time so valuable that they wouldn’t dare ask us to find soapy water and a flat plastic object in our own domiciles? Or should I feel patronized at their lack of confidence in my abilities?

Always one to embrace outrage, I choose the latter. Especially since they offer replacement kits (and I use that term generously) at the low cost of $10.

(I now sell my own kits for $9.50.)