June 14, 2012 ☞ Personal inventory
Would you believe that I was met with incredulity and skepticism when I bought this head massager?
I suppose it’s somewhat understandable. If you’ve never seen one before, you might assume it’s used to beat eggs into stiff peaks or clean the inside of industrial piping. You would be mistaken. This wiry contraption serves only to massage one’s scalp as it’s plunged up and down over his or her melon.
Like the use of anchovies on pizza, there is no ’middle ground’ when it comes to opinions on this device. The extremes range from orgasm noises upon sight to one account worded, “it makes my stomach go into my butt.” Not a positive review, in case that wasn’t clear.
After I got it, I set down my new purchase at my folks’ place and within minutes it was gone. No one knows what happened, but there was some finger-pointing to be sure. I’m tempted to believe that my grandparents smuggled it away to India but I would never accuse them of that. I wouldn’t mind anyway; this thing is pretty dope.
I bought a new one the next day.