Bluetooth headset
Everyone knows you look like a douchebag in a Bluetooth headset, but man alive if they aren’t highly convenient and useful. In a way, they’re like the Crocs of the telecommunications world; beloved by a core group of stupids, reviled by everyone else.
I purchased this for a ridiculously low price off the Internet, figuring it would make texting while driving while eating a bowl of soup slightly less lethal. And while I wouldn’t wear one in public, handsfree chatting at home makes one feel like a king—albeit a king of douche.
The downside? It takes AAAA batteries. You read that correctly. Quadruple A. It’s the size down from AAA (as if that were even necessary (or possible)). It’s not like I can just pick these up at Best Buy. I have to meet a shady battery dealer with a deformed hand by the name of Marvin for these AAAAs. He also sells horse, ecstacy, and special K. Come to think of it, I think he just sells drugs.