Ankle cuff clips

April 11, 2012 ☞ Personal inventory

However elegant and pretty these may look, they are stupid and a waste of time. Were you seeking the most efficient method of resembling a doofus, I’d suggest you strap these on over a pair of khakis. Bonus points if you are wearing a water bottle belt or cycling cap.

Back when I was commuting to a Real Job, these fish-looking mofos ensured my Dress Pants weren’t chewed up by the greasy chains of my road bike. I foolishly considered the use of these metal clips more dignified than tucking my pant leg into my socks, but they’re only barely so. I can’t even count the number of times I have left these on after a ride to have someone point out that “you’re still wearing those things.” It’s like walking around with a gaping fly, but six times more embarrassing.

And unlike the strappy velcro kind (which look even stupider) these invariably slide down your leg which a) lets your pants escape their grasp and b) pinches your ankle bones in the most irritating way. I made sure my next bike had a chain guard.